Shall we all just have a little cry?
As people we are taught to be strong, to not cry and particularly as British people, to not show our emotions. It is almost built into our infrastructure that if something bad happens, we only have a certain amount of time to grieve that situation, and we must do this whilst being strong for everyone else around us.
Someone has to say it though, it is really hard to be strong sometimes. I know we have to move on, we have to accept that life happens, and sometimes life is really rubbish. I always think about someone out there who is going through something worse, and handling it better. Now, this doesn’t sound like the healthiest way to deal with it, because I need to be fair to myself, to my situations and understand that struggling or crying or feeling panicked, are all normal reactions. Sometimes, it just feels as though there is a pressure on everyone to recover instantly. Work expect the best a week after, friends expect the same person, and family let the subject fade away, but a small flame remains lit until overtime that just goes out.
I know I am not speaking for everyone in this position, I know that this is just the way I feel about this, but this is one of the ways I like to let go. It allows me to not just let the subject fade but recognise that there was a problem, that there was a tragedy or a struggle, but that I will get through whatever it is. Over the past year I have come to realise that without being positive, or at least trying to be, life starts rush by with no warning. Before you know it you have spent too long wondering why you didn’t go on that trip or why you didn’t go out to meet your friends because you didn’t want to leave the house that day.
My family have just lost our uncle, brother and son. It was unexpected, shocking and well, to be honest heart breaking. But I know if I can take one thing from this, it is that my uncle always lived life to the full. He had passions, he had ambitions and he surrounded himself with love. I don’t know how to cope with losing him, I don’t know how to handle grief or if there is a wrong or right way to move on, but I do know I won’t let myself forget to live the way he wanted life to be lived.
I am a crier. I’ll cry at films, at John Lewis adverts and at the x factor sob stories. But there is a difference because the tears that fall when you hurt, when you really truly hurt don’t just cause your face to become wet, they cause your heart to hurt, your body to ache and your mind to completely fall to the mercy of your emotions. To see my family, or friends, go through this when you know there is no easy fix this is the hardest thing any person can ever do.
A hug, a “its going to be ok” or “you just need to be strong” can start the healing, but it can’t take away that pain. It will always be it ok to cry, to let it out, it is just about learning when to stop, learning to manage and recognise the positives in your life. Whenever I feel sad or I feel a panic attack coming on, I list in my head what I am lucky to have in my life. It helps me put into perspective my darker thoughts because sometimes when you are stuck on a thought that is bringing you down it is really hard to move past it on your own.
As cliche as it sounds, it really is ok not to be ok, because everyone handles things in different ways, everyone gets sad and everyone cries (even if they don’t like to admit it). List those things that mean the most to you, find that glimpse of happiness that can overshadow those thoughts you’d rather have stayed away, because that is the only way I know how to move on, and I believe it could be the way others move on to.